Procrastination, in many cases, is really a form of Avoidance. I’m practicing a form of avoidance right now, actually, by writing about my trouble with it instead of facing what I’m avoiding: writing my book.
It’s quite ridiculous, really. I get everything prepared. I open my computer, get my document to the place I left off, make my tea, sit down to write… and all the while, my eyes look everywhere except at the words on my screen. I devise reasons I should check my email and daily comics (to get it out of the way so it won’t be on my mind and distracting me later), play with the cats (to wear them out so they stop coming up to get my attention), wash the dishes (it has to be done sometime), and any other number of tasks. I can’t type when I eat a meal, so I read a book or watch YouTube videos instead, and get so caught up and relaxed I forget about writing for a time.
In between these distractions, I open the document, resolving to write… and it’s as though some magician has cast an “ignore me” spell; my eyes slide away. I can’t bear to look at the text long enough to read a word.
A little bit of psychoanalysis suggests I’m afraid of something. But what? Afraid I’ll read what I’ve written and hate it? Afraid of not expressing the story well? Afraid I’ll get interrupted and lose my momentum? Afraid of failing? Afraid of succeeding? Am I just uncertain about how to proceed?
I tell myself to just write--editing can come later. But I’ve revised some of the characters’ personalities in my mind, such that their behavior needs to change, and I have a few scenes that need to be re-written to avoid being trite or preachy or simply long-winded. The way I do that will affect future scenes and the amount of exposition needed. But when I just edit, I make no substantial progress. (Except I feel more confident about the beginning now. ...Kinda.)
If I have all these ideas, what is stopping me from acting on them? Is this “spirit of restraint” writer’s block in my own mind, or a divine stop sign? I hardly think it’s demonic--nor external pressures. Prayer, well, maybe I’m not “praying the right way.” I feel no direction or restraint when I pray. I’m more productive with a pencil and paper, but then I can’t bring myself to type the scenes up where they belong in the document because I am avoiding the sight of it. This has gone on for months with very brief progress on only a couple occasions.
Has anyone else experienced this? What worked for you?
