Stress is a familiar concept.
Though not everyone exhibits the common signs of stress and
strain in their behavior (being rushed, snappish, frowning, crying, committing
crimes, etc.), people from adolescence on can typically name at least one time
they’ve felt an unpleasant emotional or mental pressure. “Don’t worry” admonishes the Good
Book, Bobby McFerrin, and millions of mothers around the world. Unfortunately, that golden advice hasn’t
seemed to prevent the occurrence of stress. Parents,
self-help gurus, psychologists, and pharmacists by shiploads talk on and on
about how to avoid it or move past it or medicate it. So why, with all our research and advice and medicines,
does everybody still regularly become stressed?
When we feel stressed, we
may point our finger of blame at a poor attitude, grief, busyness, peer
pressure, unmet needs, pain, physical infirmity, indecision, uncertainty,
worry, fear, self-centeredness, sin, or guilt. Whatever the external or internal
trigger may be, however, as I see it,
the true cause for our stressed reaction
is rooted in our minds. Namely, I’ve
found that stress stems in all cases from cognitive
dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance
simply means internal conflict (but admit it—“cognitive dissonance” is fun
to say). This conflict, or dissonance,
may occur between competing ideas in our minds or between what we want or expect in our minds
and what is, or what appears to be, in reality. For instance, we may feel internal conflict
between a desire to relax and the reality of an unpleasant chore we feel we
ought to do, or when we have numerous tasks we want to accomplish but the reality of
little time in which to complete them, or when our plans get unpleasantly interrupted or the plan doesn't turn out as expected. We feel
stress when we don’t measure up to our ideal self, or when a desire to please people conflicts with the reality
of our failure or their unwillingness to be pleased. At times, an ingrained belief, whether in Santa
Claus or God or the value of deep-fried Twinkies, comes in conflict with evidence,
true or not, to the contrary. Maybe we fervently
want to be done with a choice or an
unpleasant situation while it sits unmoving before us.
Although these stressful conflicts may relate
to external circumstances, all are, at their root, forms of cognitive
dissonance. Once we reconcile the
dissonance one way or another (with or without reconciling the circumstance),
the stress lifts. That’s why our
perspective, and not our circumstances, has so much to do with our relative stress
and happiness.
To illustrate this, the same person on different days spills a full glass
of water by accident. Let’s up the ante
and say the glass breaks, too—on carpet.
One day this happens, the person chuckles ruefully at his foolishness,
but doesn’t feel stressed. On a
different day, the person curses or bawls, becoming instantly full of stress
and expressing it explosively. The circumstance is the same. What makes the difference is the person’s
mental perspective—his expectations, his priorities, his focus, and so forth.
On the day the person laughs, the water is not seen as a setback; even if
the person is late for an activity, he thinks selflessly along the lines, “Oh,
well—it happens. Better clean up first. Being late isn’t the end of the world.” Alternately,
if his previous engagement takes precedence, “. . . Better leave part of the
mess till later” or “Honey, could you help me clean up? I have to leave.” And that, too, would be decided or spoken without
stress. However, on the day the person feels
stressed, we’ll inevitably find that the situation lies in dissonance with the
plans in his mind; he views the event as a horrible interruption that forcibly and
uncomfortably alters his preconceived ideas about how the day will progress,
but he isn’t willing to accept the change.
He may think self-centeredly, “Why did this have to happen to me?”
The problem may even expand out of proportion until he irrationally thinks
the setback is “unfair” or “ruinous” or even a sign of divine disfavor. If, as stressed people often do, he allows the
negative attitude to taint his behavior over the next several hours, his choice
of reaction may lead him to make errors with his work or to damage his
relationships, which can trouble him further if he doesn’t take time to shift
his perspective and make what restitution he can.
We can deal with external circumstances by either avoiding or altering them,
or by changing our reaction to adapt to or accept them. Ideally, we’d handle all circumstances in one
of these ways without stress, but we’re fallible humans. We should remember that when we do feel
stressed, avoiding or altering the circumstance won’t keep us from feeling
stress should the undesirable event reoccur.
That is, since stress is internal, external attempts to mitigate it aren’t
sufficient to completely and permanently resolve the cause of the dissonance,
be it selfishness or worry or uncertainty; internal conflict requires an
internal choice to shift to a godly, non-stressed perspective. External efforts can guide us to a wiser course or improve our mental state so we
are able to make the right choice we
were previously too muddled or emotional to make. However, nothing outside us can force us to
think rationally, react calmly, or make godly choices.
For instance, talking with others may help calm us and show us a
resolution to a problem that we had not previously seen . . . but we have to
then choose to resolve the cognitive dissonance. An unfortunate number of people listen to
great advice and heartily agree, yet afterward ignore it and go back to feeling
stressed, and may later reiterate the same, unresolved complaints to their
advisor. In the same way, when chemical
imbalances contribute to stress, medicine may temporarily clear our minds or
level our feelings, enabling us to make better choices, but if we postpone the
choice and remain irresolute, the stress will remain. Again, certain actions can also improve our ability
to think, including ubiquitous advice to exercise, eat healthfully, and sleep
well (“the morning is wiser than the evening”).
Numerous self-help websites and books also encourage us to laugh, vent,
write, socialize, go outdoors, have solitude, listen to music, do a creative
activity, read, watch a movie, learn something new, take a vacation, visit a
spa, bathe, be thankful, think positively, give up harmful substances and
habits, manage your time better, reduce your obligations, or seek a change of
appearance, scene, or society. However,
these often offer only temporary solutions. We must remember that it’s the
personal choice of perspective—not the medicine or healthful habits or
relaxation—that actually reduces or removes the stress. Without willfully changing the way we view
the world and our troubles, we’ll go back to feeling stressed and miserable as
soon as our encourager goes home or our break ends or the feel-good medicine
wears off.
Now comes the vital question, “What perspective should we shift to?” Secularists might encourage a stoic or
cynical perspective, urging people to relinquish control on their lives, go
with the flow, and “let what will be, be.”
Christians also urge people to relinquish control, but to God. Self-control and stress control come when we
accept that God is in control. I’m aware not everyone will agree with this,
but I strongly believe that the primary ingredient for getting and maintaining
a healthful, balanced, stress-free perspective is faith in Christ. When I feel stressed, it’s usually a sign I’m disobeying
Him in some way.
If we trust God’s sovereignty and goodness, we have no reason to worry
even when facing uncertainty, inequality, pain, and death.
If we abide with the Holy Spirit throughout the day, we have an eternal
perspective that makes any earthly circumstance or dilemma minute in
comparison. When we’re godly-minded, we think
less about our own convenience and comfort and more about being patient and
loving and forgiving; we won’t stress about how awful life is because it
doesn’t go as smoothly as we’d like or because we don’t feel as happy as we’d want
to. Instead, we will seek God and His
plan in all unexpected or unwelcome circumstances. Admittedly, believers may face other types of cognitive
dissonance—namely, the dissonance between our fleshly and spiritual natures, and
between the sinful world and the heavenly ideal. Still, stress over such conflict abates when
we choose to abide in the Holy Spirit and when we trust in God’s goodness and Christ’s
atonement. If we know this in our heads but struggle to trust, "You do not have because you do not ask"; many people have been amazed to find how drastically their attitude and stress level improve when they pray about a lack of trust, an ungodly perspective, or a difficult situation.
Knowing that we can end our stress by changing our perspective and trying
to stay in-tune with God won’t always keep us stiff-necked people from doing
so. We may still adopt imbalanced mindsets
or get stressed when expectations don’t pan out, but when we pause to evaluate
the root of our stress, knowing helps us look in the right direction and, we
hope, resolve our cognitive dissonance by making the choice to give our whole
selves, worries and all, to God.
To thereafter maintain this godly perspective, prevent stress, and make
it easier to submit to God when stress wells up, it helps to stay immersed in
His Word and in constant prayer.
However, study, prayer, and obedience are disciplines that require a
never-ending struggle against our selfish desires. There will be days when “keep trusting” or “press
on toward the goal” sounds exhausting, discouraging, or even impossible. Still, it is ultimately rewarding, and even
if God lets a difficult, uncomfortable circumstance play out, He will grant peace from stress to those
who trust and seek Him—not idly, but with their whole hearts.
Trust in the LORD
with all your heart,
and
do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways
acknowledge him,
and
he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your
own eyes;
fear
the LORD, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing
to your flesh
and
refreshment to your bones.
(Proverbs 3:5-8 ESV)
Rejoice in the Lord
always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to
everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in
everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be
made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:4-7 ESV)
Other aids concerning stress and trouble:
Devotionals from My Utmost for His Highest
Helpguide.org's Stress Management: How to Reduce, Prevent, and Cope with Stress
Focus on the Family's Stress Advice
Good observations and advice! :)
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