On Patience

Though my temper has improved with age, I still don’t consider myself particularly patient.  I struggle to press on when I can’t “get” mathematics, complete a project just right, or comprehend some techno-jargon I need to help me accomplish something on the computer.  I “tire” inexplicably quickly or find myself blurting angry and sometimes inappropriate words, or I simply give up or ask someone else to see to it.  If that’s not an option, I may take a little break to get over my impatient huff before I try, try again, accompanied by more muttering and an increasing desire to break things.

Similarly, I struggle to be polite when people approach me to make extended small talk with whom I did not wish to form an acquaintance or when I am clearly attempting to read.  I also find it hard to be a polite, patient listener with people who rehash the same topic multiple times in one conversation or who inevitably veer every conversation into their uninteresting hobbies or boasts.  

As a child, I also felt impatient with adult conversations that excluded me but that still required my presence nearby.  Regrettably, I did not display this impatience very subtly: those times when shyness didn’t prevent me, I’d pull my mom’s hand or whine “I want to go!”  As I got older, that turned into subtle pokes or toe-trodding accompanied by significant glances, a finger pointed at a clock, or a suggestive yawn.  

(I congratulate myself that I can now last much longer--and actually enjoy the company--more than I ever did, and when it’s time to go, I’ve (mostly) learned the polite hints and phrases that (I hope) do not give offense when I take my leave.  Unfortunately, my patience still dwindles and I neglect my company whenever I’m too eager to escape them to work on a project or read a book.  I must work on this.)

Historically, with the exception of mathematics, I’ve had the least patience with interruptions to my solitude, particularly when reading.  Thankfully, my mother’s and husband’s training of me has civilized my tongue and behavior a great deal, but it remains a frequent struggle.

Given my obvious flaws in this area, I felt surprised when, some time ago, my boss commented on my work with a certain student and remarked that I had “the patience of Job.”  

I do?  Huh!

Naturally, I felt quite flattered by the compliment, but it seemed to me I’d simply done what I’d been hired to do; I hadn’t thought my patience extraordinary or even difficult.  The compliment also made me feel a twinge of guilt, for I keenly remembered how, in various other circumstances, I felt terribly impatient and not remotely Job-like.  

This set me wondering about what had made the difference in my attitude.  Obviously, it wasn’t a knowledge that impatience was wrong and unloving; I’d been taught that since childhood, and a part of me had always acknowledged my impatient words and actions as wrong even as I did them.  Experience testified that impatience never glorifies God, edifies others, or makes me feel better about a situation, but the knowledge could rarely curb my impatience completely.  How, then, was I patient in certain circumstances, and how could I make myself more patient in others?

On reflection, I immediately noticed that I turn impatient when my expectations and desires are thwarted, and then when my selfish wish to progress to some situation other than reality turns me resentful, irritable, hasty, and short-tempered toward the things and people before me.  

Conversely, I noticed that my impatience fades away when, during an unwelcome interruption or setback or delay, I take a breath to seek God’s perspective and to then alter my expectations according to His priorities and to the present circumstance.  

In other words, to obtain patience, I have to first relinquish my death-grip on my original desire; rather than selfishly regretting my own neglected desires, I have to focus on the other people involved, being considerate and extending God’s love toward them.  If I face a task rather than people, God still expects me to seek and share His eternal perspective on it so that my attitude can be right and patient before Him and any witnesses.

The kind of patience this selfless submission produces is nothing like the forced grin-and-bear-it attitude of someone who knows she should be patient but who still harbors resentment about it.  Acceptance of God’s will and of reality produce a true contentment in all circumstances, such as Paul describes (2 Cor. 12:10, Phil. 4:11).  It works—and I find myself able to address the person or task before me with more grace and patience—because when I submit and change my goals in that way, the situation appears as part of my plan rather than an interruption or barrier to it.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised that the key to patience turns out to be the same as many other Christian virtues: selflessness.  I should have remembered that “Love is patient...” (1 Cor. 13:4), for love is by definition other-centered rather than self-centered: it considers and works to meet other people’s needs rather than our own needs and to obey God’s will rather than our own will.   

I sure am thankful for the Lord’s patience!  “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).  In the same way, I know I should strive to be more patient (Rom.12:12, 1 Thes. 5:14).

When I feel I haven’t the strength to give up my own desires, I try to remember (not always successfully) that selflessness gets easier with practice, so I coax myself to practice just this once--just once more--and again... and thankfully, we have a God who is quite willing to help us if we only ask Him.. and don’t reject His help...  

Yeeaaaah... maybe I’ll master patience by the time I’m ninety.

This is an extended, personalized version of a devotional to appear Monday on my church's blog at http://firstcongregationalhutch.wordpress.com/.