On Expression, Composition, Thesauri, or How to Say It

It hovers just beyond the range of cognizance—that errant word, that synonym, or that extra shade of meaning necessary to most accurately convey a thought.  

When my brain fails to produce the appropriate term, I seek one on thesaurus.com.  My eyes glide over the options, their nuances slipping lightly across my mind, which evaluates and discards each faster than my heart can beat.  Possibilities emerge that might replace the inadequate term my brain can think of, but none match the nebulous concept in my mind.  If, instead, I consider changing the other instance of a redundancy, the different context makes different possibilities more fitting.  

Click by click, I select words closer to my meaning, ever scrutinizing the entries for the One.  That word finally found (or the necessity for it removed through rewording), another farther along the page inevitably eludes me, and my mind takes off in pursuit of it.  Sometimes my brain can arrive at a suitable option before I need to resort to the thesaurus, which distracts me with wonderful words as often as it aids my composition.

Eventually—somehow—from this chaotic, mental negotiation of terms, ideas coalesce in written form, often faster than one can relate the mental processes behind their creation. And eventually—somehow—an article, short story, novel, or blog post takes publishable form.

 

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If you're curious about the composition of the post above, read the following annotated version:

It hovers just beyond the range of conscious thought—that errant word, that extra shade of meaning necessary to most accurately convey a thought.  No, not “thought.”  I just used that word twice in close succession; I must find another.  But what?  Oh—and add “that synonym.”

          When my brain fails to produce the requisite an the appropriate... not “word.”  Let’s say “term,” I turn to, bring up, open, look in, use, make use of, seek one through on thesaurus.com.  My eyes glide over the... not “words” again.  Say “options.”   Their nuances... hmm... slip lightly into and out of across my mind, which miraculously It’s too common among humanity to be “miraculous.” ...unexpectedly My mind performed as expected, though. ...amazingly The brain is amazing, but does the word seem to convey pride in my brain rather than awe at brains in general--or surprise at my capacity as if it were ordinarily lacking?  Arg!   I’ll just leave out the adjective.  ...my mind, which evaluates and discards them each faster than my heart can beat while seated, at least.  

I note that “Amazing” sounds more positive than “astounding.”  Does it seem so for everyone?  How can I know whether my readers will share my same connotations?   “Awful” and “awesome” once meant nearly the same, but their meanings diverged due to connotations...

A conversation springs to mind—a frank discussion of swear words in the theater green room my freshman year of college.  My senior felt unoffended by X and shocked by Y; I perceived them in reverse.  Fascinating!

Oops—I’ve gotten distracted.

As I scan the thesaurus’s page, possibilities arise that might replace the inadequate term my brain can think of.  “...to accurately convey an...” idea, perception, concept, belief, vision... Erg.  All good words, but none precisely applicable.  Perhaps “thought” is the best word there; it covers all meanings implied by its possible potential replacements.  None match the nebulous concept in my mind.

If I, instead, consider changing the other instance of a redundancy, the different context makes different possibilities more fitting. “...the range of conscious...” speculation, understanding, deliberation, musing, grasp, comprehension, awareness, reason.  Perhaps even “...the range of conscious contemplation”?  Ha!  Alliteration!  But does it fit there?  Click by click, I choose select words closer to my meaning, my eyes ever seeking, delving, surveying, inspecting, scanning, scrutinizing the entries for the One.  Note to self: Nix “conscious thought” and write “cognizance.”  

The word for that concept That word finally found (or... what idea do I want to express?... the necessity for it removed through superior rewording), another farther along the page similarly inevitably eludes me, and my mind takes off in pursuit of it.  Sometimes my brain can arrive at a suitable option before I need to resort to the thesaurus, which distracts me with wonderful words as often as it aids my composition.  
          Eventually, somehow, miraculously, from this constant, chaotic, mental negotiation of terms, ideas ...coalesce, take shape, are refined, are communicated... take written form.  Faster than I can type, describe, explain the mental processes behind the writing ...not “process” again!  Thesaurus.... thesaurus....  ah!  Oh.  Well, those don’t help.  I’ll reword it.  Faster than I can relate the mental process behind the development of a piece of writing...  So chunky, so wordy!  I can do better.   The resultant, finished, final… no, wrong line of thought.  Let’s link it to the previous sentence with a comma.  , often, usually, one hopes, developing faster than I can relate the mental processes behind their creation.  A final edit proofing, and it’s done! And eventually, somehow, a understandable, sensible, logical, clear, comprehensible, lucid—not predictable, I should hope! writing work of literature is complete/completed takes publishable form.